If you have ever taught a group of children, then you know getting them to walk in an orderly straight line is virtually impossible.

Today I was included in a strategy meeting with the administrative powers that be, who were round tableing what shape they can paint on the sidewalks outside our classrooms that would be enticing to preschool students! What shape and what colors would best encourage them to walk from point a to point b, in a straight line while also maintaining six feet apart! I just can’t make this up but they were discussing it with such a seriousness that it actually made me laugh out loud. There are just so many issues with the fantasy they were trying to spin!!

First, let’s pretend the preschool students walk in straight line, have you ever been 6 ft away from a preschool student? You might as well be wearing an invisibility cloak because they don’t know you’re there!! Unless you are unwrapping a brand new toy or eating a cookie they are not paying attention to anything 6 ft away. They certainly aren’t capable of walking in a line following a person 6 ft away in front of them.

Second, have you ever tried to get from point a to point b with a group of preschoolers? It’s similar to herdng butterflies. Administrators have pictured a group of 12 preschoolers 6 ft apart. Let’s do the math: 12 students times 6 ft is 72 ft! Add in two teachers and you have 84 ft! The line going from my classroom to anywhere else they’re imagining will be an 84-ft line and we are going to be able to keep track of all 12 students spaced that far apart??!!! I hope there isn’t a turn! “Yes”, they say, “because if we pick the right stencil and color combo it will keep them engaged and moving forward in the right direction!!” What the Hell!? My students aren’t watching their feet. They’re looking at the clouds, the trees, the birds, the squirrels, that blade of grass, that leaf over there, And they’re most likely running towards whatever they’re seeing!!

Oh, and let’s not forget, wherever we will be walking guided by these magical, colorful, perfectly painted shapes on the ground we will be passing a playground that they will not be allowed to play on. Because it’s safe for us to be inside the classroom again, allegedly, but not safe for the students to be playing outside together on a play structure!! That won’t cause an extra fun little wrinkle. I am sure the yellow caution tape that they’ve wrapped all around it will be a clear indication to my students that they can’t go play 😂

Hopefully a glass or two (or perhaps three) of wine tonight will help shed a more positive light on the lunacy that is administration!! The lack of classroom experience in school district leadership has never been more glaringly obvious than during this pandemic!!!